Take my hand. Let’s take over the world. Let’s take a piece of heaven of our own.
“It’s us against the world”.
A song lyric from a recent favorite. A common aphorism found in many songs, books, romantic comedies and the like. At first glance it may not appear particularly special, but if you dive into it, it is so much more than a simple eye roll inducing platitude. From my own personal experience, right now, during a zombie-like global pandemic that often feels like a nightmare we will at once awaken from, this means everything.
Because instead of getting married in April as my fiance Michael and I had planned for the past year, COVID happened to us. Or at least that is how we first chose to frame it when the world was placed on hold. Over the past 3 months, I’ve manically undulated from feelings of acceptance and understanding to feelings of frustration and teenage angst about what is happening to us. Trying to manage how I feel about COVID happening to us. During a time when we were supposed to be getting married, going on our first international trip together, months away from actively trying to start a family. So when the pandemic hit it was difficult not to personalize, even though so many others had more of a right to personalize, because they lost their mother, father, aunt, uncle, child. Truly personal in their case. But I couldn’t help but feel robbed and abandoned, especially with the lack of true leadership in our country. This chapter of our story which we had intended on being one of clarity had been replaced with one of confusion.
At first, that was what we felt. COVID happened to us, all of us. It wasn’t until we individually spent more than enough time in thoughtful solitude that we began to shift perspective.
After many difficult conversations about our big day and what it was truly intended to symbolize, there began a shift. We realized we were bordering a very fine and dangerous line. If we let this idea that COVID happened to us, what is stopping us from letting other life events, things or issues from happening to us? This is where Que Te Cuesta really shines its light, because what is it costing us? To allow COVID to happen to us.
We spent the last few months experiencing many ups and downs. More time spent having deeper conversations about what we both want out of a marriage and how much we still have to learn from one another. The force that COVID brought into our relationship was strong, difficult and truly necessary. It reminded us that there is a delicate balance of what it means to be alive in this world.
It reminds us that what we think we have control over is not at all within grasp. It reminds us that the only thing we do have control over is the maintenance of how we choose to love from so deep that it has no other place to go, but out into the world. Love that radiates to each other, our families, our friends, strangers. Everybody. And that love is the reason we will eventually experience the big day we deserve. It is the building block for supporting each other’s dreams and aspirations now and in marriage one day.
COVID did not happen to us. It happened for us. To carve out a piece of heaven of our own.
(Song lyric from Don’t You Worry by Oh Wonder)